Your child’s ability to love and trust begins with a dance.

From the moment he’s born, he’s ready to fall in love – with you. He cries. You cuddle him. He smiles. You smile back. He makes a noise. You imitate it. Back and forth, hundreds of times each day, the dance bonds you and your baby together.

This critical first relationship shapes your baby’s brain and lays the foundation for all of his future relationships. A parent-child bond that is healthy and secure enables that child to feel safe, trust and connect with others, manage emotions and bounce back from adversity.

A child who lacks this “attachment bond” with his mother or primary caregiver is more likely to have problems with future relationships. He may isolate himself, avoid friendships and be fearful, aggressive or angry. His physical, mental and social development may be delayed.

At Childhaven, we intervene with children during their most critical period of brain development: birth to age 5. For many, the attachment bond that should be securely in place is poorly wired because of abuse, neglect, parental drug addiction, family trauma and other problems.

So our therapeutic child care teachers and other staff members work to rebuild these bonds.

Because we’re making up for lost time, we have to up the ante. The parental responsiveness they missed out on as babies is increased 10-fold in a rich and nurturing child care environment. Youngsters benefit from lots of one-on-one care, predictable and repeated attention to needs, and rewarding relationships with adults.

Over time, they begin to trust, feel safe, connect, express and show pride. They start to see themselves as loved and lovable. You can see it in their faces. They literally bloom.

Of course, it’s not enough to just work with the children.

The parents also need to learn and practice the steps of the dance. At Childhaven, they can do this through innovative and research-based training programs such as Promoting First Relationships: Parents are videotaped as they interact with their child in their own home. They then review the tape with a professional who gives them positive feedback and reinforces what they’re doing right.

Fortunately, most parents won’t need special training and technology to help them bond with their babies. The dance comes as naturally as breathing. Sure, we might miss a step here and there, but as long as we are loving and attentive, the beat goes on.