Parents often wonder when they should sit their kids down to talk about drugs and alcohol.
They may be surprised to learn that they should start talking as early as age 5. But I recommend an ongoing, comfortable and age-appropriate dialogue rather than a somber “Sit Down.” And here’s why:
If you’ve established an environment of openness and trust over the years, your children are much more likely to come to you later when they have questions or problems.
On the other hand, if you wait until your child is a newly minted teen to give an intimidating, scare-tactic-like “Drug Talk,” he’s not only less likely to share things with you, he’s also less likely to trust the information you give him.
Why? Because he already knows that drugs and alcohol can’t be all bad because of all the mixed messages he’s already received through advertisements, the news media, his friends, and that glass of merlot Dad had with dinner. The fact is, drugs and alcohol can make you feel really good. That’s why they’re dangerous.
Parents and even adults who work with kids routinely underestimate the amount of exposure children have to drug messages as well as the real thing. Drug use and abuse happens everywhere, even in “good neighborhoods.”
That’s why five isn’t too young. Look for those “teachable moments,” gearing the level and amount of information to your child’s age. A kindergartner, for example, may be satisfied with, “Drugs can make you feel better, but they can also cause serious problems when people can’t stop taking them.”
As your child gets older, increase the sophistication of your dialogue, making sure the information you give is balanced and accurate. An excellent resource if you need to get your facts straight is www.drugfree.com or the National Institute of Drug Abuse Web site at www.nida.nih.gov.
You also can attend a free monthly “Awareness is Prevention” presentation by YES substance abuse counselor Andrea Noble. The monthly meetings are at Eastlake High School, 400 228th Ave. N.E., Sammamish. The next one is Monday, March 23, at 6:30 p.m. For more information, e-mail Noble at noble@youtheastsideservices.org.
The more information teens have that’s correct and accurate, the better equipped they will be to make good decisions, says Andrea.
To communicate the stunting effects of drug and alcohol use on the developing brain, for example, Andrea likes to ask teens to think back seven years ago. “How much more do you know now?” she asks them. Then she points out that their brain won’t stop developing until they’re 25 years old.
While Andrea recommends more frequent, smaller conversations about drugs over one big one, she acknowledges that one big talk is better than none. If parents aren’t sure how to start the conversation, they might try referencing a movie or television show in which a character uses alcohol, tobacco or other drugs. They can also talk about things happening in the news, celebrity gossip or the latest sports scandal.
If you can tailor the talk to something your child is interested in, it will be easier, she says.
Contrary to popular thought, teens do listen to their moms and dads. Don’t be afraid to set clear boundaries and ask lots of questions: When are you coming home? Who’s the adult in charge? What’s the telephone number?
If you don’t like the answers, put your foot down: You’re not going over to George’s anymore.
It may be a cliché to say so, but there really is no replacement for a good parent.
‘Parenting Lifeline’ is a monthly column in Reporter newspapers by Patti Skelton-McGougan, executive director of Youth Eastside Services. Since 1968, YES has been a lifeline for kids and families, offering counseling, outreach and prevention programs to help foster strong family relationships and a safe community. For more information, call 425.747.4937 or go to www.youtheastsideservices.org
