Shakespeare wrote it and Juliet said it, “A rose by any other name would smell as sweet.” It meant that it’s not important what you call something – it’s what that thing is that counts.
Maybe so, but you wouldn’t convince a woman named Ima Hooker that her name doesn’t complicated her life.
Or a man named Pat Fanny, for that matter.
People may be created equal, but names are not. When a person’s moniker is the same as a slang word – or has some other unfortunate connotation (Ruth Less, Rob Banks) – it can cause such a distraction that no one notices much else.
The same holds true with geographical names. Just ask the residents of places like Ding Dong, Texas; Square Butt, Montana; Intercourse, Alabama and Bad Axe, Michigan.
A famous – if completely apocryphal story revolves around a one-time executive for the Sunbeam Corporation named Loren Sexauer. When a call came into the switchboard asking, “Do you have a Sexauer in your company?” the reply from the receptionist was, “No. We don’t even get a coffee break around here.”
So if names can cause confusion – and sometimes outright guffaws – product names have even higher stakes.
Which is why a few weeks ago, the Corn Refiners Association asked the federal government if they could change the name of one of their products from “high-fructose corn syrup” to the cheerier “corn sugar.”
But the Corn Refiners don’t want to make the change just for the ink-saving advantage of fewer syllables.
It’s because when consumers see the name “high-fructose corn syrup,” they associate it with everything from causing obesity to teenage pregnancy. (OK, not teenage pregnancy. That’s caused by high-fructose boyfriends.)
So the Corn Refiners Association (or, CRA) think a new name like “Corn Sugar” will refine the product’s image. Their point is that sugar is sugar – whether made from corn, cane or beets. I don’t think it’s ever made from turnips. People are too busy trying to squeeze blood out of those.
Renaming products is not new. Bio Yogurt had an up-tick in sales once they changed their name to Activia. With many people disenchanted by government these days, Federal Express changed to FedEx – assuming no one would figure out what FED was short for. (Fedora maybe? When a hat absolutely, positively has to be there overnight?)
Low Euric Acid Rapeseed Oil became substantially more popular as Canola Oil. (Studies show that for some reason words like “acid” and “rape” are not good in food products.)
Ten years ago, prunes became Dried Plums. As a result, no longer do school kids privately call their teacher “prune face” – since the more fashionable “dried plum face” came into vogue.
Still, you have to wonder if CRA’s plan to market “Corn Sugar” is such an ideal move. Moms don’t want kids to have too much of that. Except moms who are dentists.
In fact, lots of cereal products have discretely removed the word from their packaging over the years: Sugar Frosted Flakes became just Frosted Flakes; Sugar Smacks are now plain old Smacks; Sugar Pops to Corn Pops; Sugar Crisp to Golden Crisp; and Sugar Puffs to Puffs. That’s a lot of S-word avoidance.
Who knows? Before long, sugar itself may undergo a name change: Sweet & Fun? Tongue Tickler? Sour-be-Gone?
Sugar by any other name would sound as tasty. And fattening.
Pat Cashman can be reached at pat@patcashman.com.
