It seems to happen overnight. A sweet, affectionate, cooperative child becomes challenging, distant and prickly. No matter how well you prepare for adolescence, every parent who has a good relationship with their kid is surprised when this happens.

You know that the hormones pulsing through your child are both inevitable and important. This is the first indication that they will become adult humans who will be able to live independently from you someday.

But no matter how well you prepare, your child’s adolescence can be a painful shock. That chubby baby, that funny, happy toddler, that toothless first-grader who wanted to be good in school, yes that very child has become … another person.

At this time of your life you must not underestimate the need for back-up. It helps to have someone who can tell you if you are thinking correctly about the issues you are facing with your kids. Ideally, this would be a spouse, but that isn’t always possible or the best thing for the harmony of the family. It doesn’t help to have someone who throws verbal gasoline on an emotional flame.

I am speaking from experience. Our kids were notoriously adolescent. Those beautiful little boys became difficult, surly, and disrespectful – and seemed to be in a race to find who could do worse in school. You’ve no doubt heard the phrase “pick your battles” in reference to parenting teens. But every day was a battle: all day, every day. I felt small, as if I had failed at the most important thing I had ever attempted.

I was horrified when I heard about the mom who shot both of her teenagers in the head for being “mouthy.” My heart ached, not only for the kids but for their dad, and yes, the mom.

Her husband was overseas, and although she had friends, she apparently had not been open or honest about her fears and feelings. Anyone who has teenagers, even if they seem to have everything under control, needs the support of friends and family. When a parent is being bullied by mouthy kids, they need to know that life does get better.

Fortunately I had a lot of people around me who could encourage and talk me through the craziness we encountered. The best advice I received was from my friend, Becky, whose kids were a few years older than mine. She simply told me, “Get them through it.” This became my daily motto.

Sometimes I still miss the little boys, especially when I see photos and recall how much fun we had. Yet I’m proud of the interesting, talented men who are my grown sons. John regularly posts or tweets that he has the best family anyone could ever want. It seems that the kids got through it, and so did we.

Patty Luzzi has lived on the Eastside for 33 years. Readers can contact her at pattyluzzi@yahoo.com.