My 30th birthday arrived in 1982 with the proper fanfare, but I was discouraged. It seemed that all of our friends and cousins were having babies, whether they wanted to or not. In spite of implementing of a plethora of Old Wives’ Tales, and after many trips to fertility specialists we were told that if we wanted to be parents we needed to adopt.

In February of 1983, nine months after we applied, we got the call that we had been “matched” with a young lady who was going to deliver a baby in two weeks. She was 15, and the caseworker said she was a delightful person. The next day she called to say, “It’s a boy!” We named him John Remo, which loosely translated means “named after both grandfathers.”

Two years later we saw that John needed a sibling. Our agency did not yet facilitate “open” adoptions, but the process had changed so that the birthmothers could choose the family from an anonymous profile. We were chosen, and Joe Kelley was born in 1985.

In light of the disaster in Haiti, I suspect that many people may be thinking about adoption. I have to add that our sons look as if they could be our biological children. We have not faced issues relating to racial discrimination, but we have faced other challenges along the way.

This not a guide for handling difficult situations or special needs, merely a few basic things I’ve learned (through success and miserable failure) that might get the conversation started.

1. Adoption a lot like marriage. You come from different families to make up a whole new family. Commitment must be as thick as blood.

2. Tell a child they are adopted, but don’t talk about it too much. Think about how you were feeling at their age.

3. Get the grandparents and friends on board. They can damage or strengthen a family bond.

4. Notice similarities. John has Lenny’s eye color, Joe’s are exactly like mine. John is musical, Joe loves good writing.

5. Don’t label kids with diagnoses. A child’s name is precious to him. Don’t allow him to think his name is ADHD.

6. Taste is not a virtue. Lenny and I believe in salsa without heat. Our son loves scorching hot peppers.

7. The child might not have your I.Q. She or he may be smarter than you are.

8. If you give any child your name, you must be willing to accept the shame as well as the glory they might bring to it.

9. If you are rigid, judgmental, or controlling, remember it’s a child, not a project.

10. What is your family motto? Ours is Sempre Famiglia, Always Family. We mean it, and John and Joe have embraced it. It hasn’t been easy, it’s been family!

Patty Luzzi has lived on the Eastside for 32 years. Readers can contact her at pattyluzzi@yahoo.com.