A few weeks ago I asked my son, John, to watch his language on Facebook. He’s in two rock bands and gets a very large cross section of people, including my friends, checking in on his personal music page to hear the latest.
Since I want to brag about him and post photos and clips of my rockin’ son, I asked him to avoid the “f” word. His response to me was, “What word, fun? frolic?” Of course this made me laugh. He then added, “You can’t control everything, Mom!”
Ouch. Do I have a problem with control? Am I manipulative? Do I interfere in the lives of people close to me?
It was a dark morning of the soul, but then again, every morning in December is a dark morning. It’s hard to tell emotional anguish from a lack of sunshine when the deep questions of life arise. But I took the opportunity to do a bit of self-examination, just in case the way I think I am is not the same as the way I act toward other people.
I think I’ve come to some conclusions.
Ten years ago when this same son was about 18, he decided to get the first of many tattoos. Someone said to me, “You let him get a tattoo?” I remember answering, “Let? Wouldn’t that imply that I had some control over this kid? Wouldn’t that imply that he asked permission, asked for money, or came to some consensus with at least one of his parents?”
No, with this kid there was no “letting.” All his life we have had to run to catch up. I have to admit that I threw a complete screaming fit to try to keep him from getting his tongue pierced. Since it was the battle that I chose to fight, it was one in which I was victorious.
But the question remained, was I being controlling when I asked him to watch his language on Facebook? Social media has brought up many situations for which we have no precedents.
Have you ever, for a moment, considered the mother of any rock star? No. But now with Facebook and Twitter, parents are actively promoting the careers of their children. I think we’re just hoping that they can pay us back some of the money we have loaned them as they pursue the dream.
And yes, we’re proud of talent and hard work. I have to admit it’s really wonderful to be the mom of a cool guy in the band. “Friend” me if you want to see.
So I guess that my problem with control is that I don’t have any. I can only hope that I have influence, but control is really out of the question.
Really, I can only control myself. I suppose that’s a good thing to keep in mind when we’re gathering together for the holidays.
Patty Luzzi has lived on the Eastside for 33 years. Readers can contact her at pattyluzzi@yahoo.com.
