My best friend in high school was one of those enviable people who seemed to have everything: beauty, brains and a boyfriend on the football team who was utterly devoted to her.

But something went terribly wrong after she left home to go to college. The straight and narrow, Irish-Catholic girl I knew began abusing drugs and alcohol and taking risks. She’d go on wild spending sprees and then give her possessions away.

The last time I saw her, I felt more angry than anything – angry that I had to rush her to the airport because she’d been out partying the night before, angry that she was throwing her God-given gifts away and hurting both herself and those who loved her.

I was too young and naïve at the time to recognize that she was in desperate need of professional help. Shortly thereafter, she took her life.

All these years later, her suicide still haunts me. I wish I had paid more attention, confronted her with my feelings, and told somebody – a counselor, a teacher or other trusted adult.

Only in retrospect did the clues become clear. I remembered a comment she’d made about how she would take her life were she to do it. I learned too late that such hints need to be taken seriously.

Though I didn’t realize it at the time, my friend was exhibiting some of the classic suicide warning signs:

Increased use and abuse of alcohol and drugs.

Giving away prized or valuable possessions.

Sudden changes in behavior, including increased risk taking, severe withdrawal and avoidance of activities that had been pleasurable in the past.

Altered eating and sleeping patterns.

Subtle or obvious verbal threats such as, “I wish I was dead”, or “You’ll be sorry when I’m gone”.

Drawing or writing about death on book covers, in journals, etc.

Increased discouragement, depression, anxiety or anger.

Through her behavior, I believe my friend was asking for help.

“Some people become so overwhelmed by problems they can’t solve or emotions they can’t regulate, that suicide becomes an option,” says Eva LaFollette, a licensed mental health counselor who works with youth and families here at Youth Eastside Services.

According to the Youth Suicide Prevention Program (www.yspp.org), two youth (ages 10 to 24) kill themselves each week in Washington state. In a 2006 survey of high school students, one in 10 reported having attempted suicide, and one in four said they have seriously considered it. More than 30 percent of GLBQ (gay, lesbian, bisexual, questioning) youth reported at least one suicide attempt in the past year.

Given those statistics, everybody – teens as well as adults – should be aware of and alert to the warning signs. Kids who are thinking about suicide will often talk to their friends before they talk to their parents or even a school counselor.

Eva recommends erring on the side of caution if you suspect that a child, friend or loved one is suicidal. Don’t be afraid to ask the question(s): “Are you thinking of suicide?” “Do you have a plan?”

You won’t be planting the idea or encouraging it, Eva says. “These kids are in real pain. Usually they’re waiting for someone to notice how much they’re suffering.”

If the threat is imminent – say you find a suicide note or other evidence – get your child to the hospital for an assessment. If the threat isn’t immediate, closely monitor your child until you can get him or her in to see a counselor or other mental health professional.

Young people who find out a friend is suicidal should tell a trusted adult, preferably a school counselor or teacher, who’s mandated by law to report it.

The important thing is to act.

I know how distressing it is to discover that someone you care about is thinking of taking her own life. But talk. Ask the hard questions.

Trust me. Finding out now beats finding out later.

‘Parenting Lifeline’ is a monthly column in Reporter newspapers by Patti Skelton-McGougan, executive director of Youth Eastside Services. Since 1968, YES has been a lifeline for kids and families, offering counseling, parenting classes, outreach and prevention programs to help foster strong family relationships and a safe community. For more information, call 425-747-4937 or go to www.youtheastsideservices.org.